After doing so much preparation I wanted to birth, really I wasn’t scared. I just wanted the experience. I was already 8 days overdue and the cut-off for homebirth is exactly 14 days. This baby needed to get moving.
I was walking the stairs daily, acupuncture, yoga, sex you name it…. oh and pineapples!!
After 10 days my mum read that if you place the breast pump 5mins on each breast - it can kick start the contractions, and it did!!! As soon as I placed the breast pump on ( very odd experience for a first time mum) I felt a contraction ( 10am in the morning) .
I was so excited, I started putting all my learning into action as well as tracking my contractions on the app. This went on till the following morning!!! and it was full on , yet the contractions were still not regular. I called the midwife she told me to take a couple of panadols and go to sleep, she said make sure you have a good rest. That was the best advice. the prelabour was long and hard.
I slept for 2 hours before the next lot of contractions woke me up, they started intensifying, by 11pm the midwife and doula arrived. It was hard work. I was implementing all the active birth techniques I learnt.
My husband was amazing support , I was squatting over a freezer the whole night ( good shoes help) I did a couple of contractions on the toilet seat to speed things up, but I was dilating so slowly. I was left to birth alone, there was no interference. When the midwife checked the heart beat she was so gentle and encouraging. She kept saying to me that I am the most clever woman she has ever seen and I am doing a great job.
I desperately wanted to get in the pool, but she wouldn’t let me. She said I was dehydrated and had to wait. She wanted me to be in transition. Only when I said to her I can’t bare it anymore, she allowed me to enter the pool.
I have to say , I don’t know what I was thinking, I was cursing all the books I read at this stage describing how beautiful birth is. it wasn’t beautiful at all, it was painful. I, who fainted doing a tattoo, thought that it wasn’t going to hurt???? but I couldn’t turn back, I had to go through with it. No Pain relief at home, I knew I can do it. The power was in my head, not my body.
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Once I entered the pool, I could rest a little, it was so nice to float, the temperature or the water was perfect I was so comfortable . When I entered the pool it was 5 am the following day. All my pets knew a birth is happening, the kept circling the pool in distress.
I was in the pool for 2 hours pushing, I was exhausted. I was scared. The pushing was the hardest thing for me. I thought my whole inside was going to come out. Then, I remembered how my teacher was teaching us to push. Its amazing that all these teachings came to me during this hard time.
Finally I felt my back click and the head engage! at this stage the midwives ( 2 when baby is arriving) told me to stop and wait for next contraction. I can feel the baby turning in to the correct position for another push. I caught her myself. It was amazing seeing a head pop out in between your legs, unreal.
When I laid my beautiful baby girl on my chest, I was not full of love. I was full of resentment to her, why did she put me through this - of course its not her fault, of course it wasn’t her. But that’s the truth of how I felt.
After birthing the placenta the midwives guided me to the bed. I couldn’t sit, my back was in agony. I knew some damage was done to my tailbone ( read my next blog of treatment and recovery). I had to lay down.
I had one small tear on the lip. and other than that I was fine, once the birth was done, it was done! no more pain! quite amazing! I was elevated, I was high. At that point , I knew that if me - the coward of pain - could do this, I can do anything. I knew that my mind power was strong. I was empowered.
This feeling of empowerment is still with me today. It was the hardest this that I have done in my life. Nothing will ever compare to the pain and suffering I went through till that point of my life. The experience was shifting. The new me was born. This was not the end of the suffering for me, if fact just a beginning. My breast feeding journey was very hard, the pain for the latter and the tailbone injury really triggered post natal depression. yet looking back it all made me a stronger more compassionate person I am today.
I am a true believer that this experience didn’t come to me by chance. I put all my time and efforts into preparing for this moment. The Prelabour and Active Labour phase lasted for over 2 days.
The results apart from the most beautiful healthy baby at 3.72Kg , the sense of accomplishment for me was really worth the pain and suffering.
Read my Blog about my Breastfeeding Journey….
By Rita McCabe
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Favourite book : Active Birth - Janet Balaskaz
